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3 Step Formula On How To Get a Girlfriend
For a quick version of this article, skip straight to step 3.
1. Release your desire to have a girlfriend.
I think the goal of most guys on this site is to get a girlfriend. They don’t want to sleep with protesters, they don’t want to have 5-somes, they don’t want to date 20 women at once. Sure these things will be fun, but at the end of the day they just want to have one cool woman to be with. However, they don’t just want a girlfriend, they want a girlfriend…
Here’s the disturbing thing about this… The more you want to be in a relationship, the harder it is to get into one. It’s the most counter-intuitive, counter-productive mind screw of the dating world. There are many reasons why this is true. One, having a strong desire to be with a certain woman KILLS your game. Can you…
– Be poor. This includes calling a lot, wanting to spend more time with him and generally giving him a lot of attention. He will feel that it is “too much, too soon” and become frustrated.
– Be emotional. Maybe he gets angry when he doesn’t call you back, if he decides to go clubbing with his friends or breaks plans with you. Maybe he gets jealous when he sees her talking to other guys, heck he even looks at other guys.
– Be try-hard. Since you want him to like you, you can always qualify yourself, try to talk and do things to please him, try to disagree and usually go out of your way to get him to like you.
– Learn more about things. You can be very analytical and think a lot about the basics. Say you meet him at a bar and instead of talking to you right away, he walks away and talks to his friends for a few minutes. You may be surprised and learn too much from this situation, thinking that he doesn’t like you anymore.
All in all, when you REALLY want a certain girl to be your girlfriend and she’s a whopping 1 out of 1 women you see now, you’ll find a way to mess it up. So the first thing you need to do is release your desire to have a girlfriend. Once you do this, a lot of self-imposed pressure will be lifted off your shoulders and most of your problems attracting women naturally will go away. Again, very counter-intuitive.
Most guys will read this and have a VERY hard time quitting. For those guys, let’s take a closer look at this topic by explaining what having a girlfriend entails…
Having a Girlfriend Won’t Solve Your Problems
Another thing you need to understand is that having a girlfriend will not solve your problems. If you feel anxious, depressed or generally unhappy with life, a woman alone will not be able to remove these feelings. Don’t get me wrong, the early stages of a relationship are like a wave of happiness. Amazing sex, connecting with a woman on a deep level, fun and happiness – it’s all amazing.
But after this honeymoon phase, life returns to normal… The problems you had before meeting your girlfriend come back to life. This ranges from self-hating beliefs, problems in your past, anxiety about the future, etc. Your new girlfriend will not be able to remove these things from your life.
So you have to honestly ask yourself if you have your life together regardless of women. For example, do you go to the gym regularly? Do you have a cool group of friends? Do you have interests and hobbies other than women? Do you have life goals that you are working towards? Is all the BS in your head handled? If you answered no to any of these questions, having a girlfriend should be the LAST thing on your mind.
Having a Girlfriend Can Make Your Life Difficult
You will take on a number of new challenges now that you are dating. Remember, your daughter’s problems are YOUR problems now that you are in a relationship. If he has financial problems, drama with his family and friends and his set of crap going on inside his head, you have to deal with this.
Relationships always have bumps in the road so you will have to deal with fights, jealousy issues and all kinds of stress that all couples face at some point. Many times a relationship takes a lot of work and sacrifice on both ends to succeed.
Not many guys take these things seriously. Are you in a position to handle all this potential stress? Are you ready to carry Crazy Uncle Charlie every time you have to take him to a family event? Are you ready to give all your time and attention to ONE woman?
A girlfriend should be the last thing you need right now
If you’re a single guy who hasn’t had much experience with women, having a girlfriend should be the last thing on your mind. Don’t get me wrong, it’s definitely the last resort, but ENJOY the long journey when you get there.
Having a girlfriend means losing the chance to meet other women. If you haven’t been with many women in your past, why do you want to settle down with just one now? Enjoy the freedom you have now and experience bachelorhood to the fullest. The last thing you want is to be in a long-term relationship regretting that you didn’t live when you had the chance. It is not good for both you and your future girlfriend/wife. Women do not want their boyfriend to think about other women, constantly watch pornography or catch their “wonderful eyes” when they are at a restaurant. Get this out of your system so that when you finally get a girlfriend you can be sure that no other woman wants to be with her.
You don’t really know what you want in a relationship
If you’ve never had a girlfriend before, chances are you don’t know what you want in a woman. Maybe you think you are attracted to introverts but when you start dating someone you feel like they are boring. Or maybe you think you’re attracted to foreign women but actually finding cultural diversity is hard to get around.
Believe me, whatever you think in your head is always very different from the way things are in the real world. The only way to really know what you want in a long-term partner is to find many women yourself. Once you know what type of woman is right for you, the chances of long-term success in your future relationships are GREAT.
2. Learn to be good with women in general
The next step in getting a girlfriend is learning how to be nice with women in general. For many guys out there, this will take a ton of time and effort. Ignite basically has step-by-step instructions on how to do this. This sounds pretty easy, but just follow the freakin’ directions in this program to the TEE and you’ll have this step. This topic is too big to cover in depth in this article.
Basically, you want to put yourself in a position where you randomly see 3 women. This means you hang out once, MAYBE twice a week…
Because you see different women, you don’t really care how things turn out for one of them. You’re not needy, you’re unpredictable, you don’t give all your time and attention to one woman, and you generally don’t care to be alone. Ironically, this very mentality is what attracts women in the first place.
3. Choose a Girlfriend From the handful of women you see.
After seeing a few different women, you will be in a much better position to enter a relationship. There are many reasons why this is true…
– You will be able to choose the best woman from the hand we received.
– You will not feel afraid that he will leave you.
– You will not feel insecure if you are not enough.
– You won’t be jealous when she talks to other guys.
– You won’t get too emotional and work over any BS between the two of you.
– You will not be needy or clingy.
– He will respect you for behaving like a man.
– He will know that he can find other women so he will not take you lightly.
– And it goes on and on….
All of this adds up to having a SOLID foundation for a long-term relationship with a crazy woman…
Now the question becomes how do you change things from seeing a woman to having a relationship with her?
Another thing you MUST understand is that you shouldn’t push the relationship in the first place. Your mindset should be the following: “Right now I’m enjoying the moment as it comes. I’m having a blast with him and he seems cool. I don’t want to jump to any decisions so I’m going to take time and let things come out naturally. If things continue to be amazing and an opportunity like a relationship presents itself, then we’ll see what happens.” The women you date need to feel this vibe off you.
So again, let things naturally pan out… This means don’t think of a relationship unless you go at least 10 days with him.
This means checking her out and making sure this is the type of woman you want to commit to. After the first date, you still haven’t met her… You met her first date personality. This is VERY different from what he normally does on a day-to-day basis. Get to know him better over time and give him the same opportunity to do the same. Let time and experience bring you together.
Most guys try and lock women down. They don’t see women ANYWHERE, so when someone gives them a little attention, they try to protect him. It’s like finding a butterfly, and trying to cage it so it doesn’t fly away. This should not be your mindset.
For a picture, have an open hand, let the butterfly sit on it, and cherish every moment as it sits there. If it flutters, it flies away. Only when you try to slap the butterfly so that it is yours and yours alone, will it fly away.
Women are VERY similar. The moment you try and drag him down by pushing the relationship, he will run away. Just appreciate each moment and each day as they come, and don’t look beyond that. Don’t have an agenda, women hate that. You are fine with him at any moment, and let him decide to stay with you.
So what you want to do is just see the woman once a week. You can call him once, MAYBE twice that week. You don’t want to talk on the phone all night like little school girls. For example call him and say “Hey, remember that crazy guy at work I told you about. You won’t believe what happened…” Tell a quick story and tell him you have to go. That’s it.
You want uncertainty. Call him on Tuesday night, don’t call him for a few days. Then, without delay, call her on Saturday afternoon and ask her if she wants to meet in a few hours. He should be waiting for your call and be happy when you do.
This shouldn’t be a game. You should actually see other girls on days off when you are not with him. Many guys think “Yeah… So I shouldn’t call him for two days… Great job Tony!” Then they sit next to the phone, restraining themselves from making a call this time. When they call, they are very happy or very scared…
If things continue to go well, hang out twice a week. Also, maybe call him twice this time. Write to him occasionally with something funny or interesting to say. Don’t look at every time you text or call as an opportunity to set up a date. Just give a price and be silly…
Then change things to three times a week, then four. By the time you’re dating four times a week and you’ve been seeing each other for a few months, it’s NOT GUARANTEED that things will naturally move to a monogamous relationship. Believe me, if she sees you this way, she WANT to be her boyfriend.
My personal experience is what has worked to get him to the point where he STOPS dating you, and then one day he smiles and says “You know what? I decided I’m making you my girlfriend… Oh yeah and you don’t have a choice.” Now remember that it is SUPER fun to play with, but at the same time he must know that he is serious. He’ll be thrilled and overjoyed that the two of you are finally special and he’ll be more than bragging to all his friends that it happened.
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