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My Red Pontiac Firebird – Babe Magnetic With an Attitude Problem
Before I talk about my Firebird, let me mention that I once had a brand new Pontiac Fiero. It was dark and gritty, charming and cool. I felt like a superhero in it as I spun down the street and flew around corners. But I had a problem with that car; In short, I couldn’t drive, eat a donut, and change all at the same time. That really pissed me off. But the car was not damaged. Well, it only had 30,000 miles before someone used it as a Terrorist Training target by putting their car in it and putting it all together. I knew it was done by a Terrorist because no one would accidentally run into the back of a parked car. So at the age of 22, I ran to my local Pontiac dealer and bought what I had always wanted: a Red Pontiac Formula Firebird! Picture me grinning ear to ear as I drive the lot with all 8 cylinders humming, the box of donuts ready, and my Automatic Transmission doing the shifting for me.
It was a really fast, shiny red car that you could see coming for at least 135 miles. I knew it would draw babies. On my way home, I realized that I will finally be able to get a girl to talk to me now that I have this beautiful car. I remember the excitement as I ran out of gas after the first tank. I was waiting for this day. I would have to stop at a gas station where I would calmly and sexily get out of my man-o-musk metal outerwear so that all the ladies would love me, the owners of this attractive, attractive, magnetic machine.
The first ten times I got out of the car, the girls didn’t look at me too much. I didn’t think anything of it. I had chosen myself and was on top of the world. I realized that they are acting as coy as I am. I lived my fantasy at several stops of late. I even stopped filling all 5 liters to improve the chances of a compliment. Over 100 stops later the results are in; no ladies looking. In addition, 15 of your older boys would always come up to me to say something like, “man, how many horses does this kid have under the hood”. Well, it took me another ten years to realize that I would need something like a BMW, Mercedes, or other expensive car to get the attention of the ladies. I learn life lessons little by little.
However, the reason for this story has nothing to do with how I sleep, but actually about the mechanical problems of the Firebird. Sorry it took so long to get there. I like to wander. Long story short, one morning my Firebird had an attitude problem that revolved around sleep problems. That is, it would not rise. The shooter was pronounced dead at the scene.
So I towed my 60,000 mile old Babe Mobile down to a residential garage and they had a deal with me. They could replace my starter with a rebuilt part and save me money on the repair (versus using new parts like the Dealer wanted to do). It comes with a brilliant 90-day warranty. I figured, the original part lasted 60,000 miles and 4 years, a rebuilt one would surely last half as long.
So, about 91 days later I was towed back to the shop again with my car having a mental problem. The shop manager realized that we had fixed the car’s attitude the first time, and that the failed starter was definitely just a problem. So we agreed to put another launcher built there. Well, I snuck back into the same store about 92 days later. I think we may have put a new one in at that time, but I don’t remember (bad memories are blocked by the brain after the trauma is severe enough).
So now a little tech talk on why this was possible. Remanufactured parts usually come with a 90-day warranty and are less expensive than remanufactured parts or new parts. In the rebuilt parts process, they generally clean, test and replace what needs to be replaced – but nothing else. Think about that for a minute. You only fix what’s broken, not the design or assembly defects that may have caused the failure in the first place.
You can also go through a remanufactured part where you discard all wear, test the rest, resurface all relevant surfaces, replace all discarded wear, and test the final assembly. In this case you definitely improve your chances of staying on the road for a long time. These parts will fail less frequently than rebuilt ones and come with a 12 month, 12,000 mile warranty. Well, you can go the full Monty and buy a brand new unit and get a 12 month, 12,000 mile warranty and (arbitrarily) get the best results.
Now that I’ve helped you understand the technical talk the shop guys tell you when they list your options, remember that I have little advice for women in general. But this story should help you with this little problem I had driving my Pontiac Firebird. You see, today my wife is smarter than me and she is also more beautiful than me. And guess what. I met him long after Fire was buried.
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