Is It Ok To Give Formula After 12 Months Triple A Relationship Rescue Formula

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Triple A Relationship Rescue Formula

Relationship conflicts are a creative force. Conflict happens in a healthy, dynamic partnership: it’s like the growing pains of a relationship. (Do you remember how sore your muscles were when your body was growing? The discomfort of conflict can be a relationship’s way of making room for where it needs to grow next.) Difference is not a death sentence. More important than conflict resolution is managing relationship conflicts. This is where a coach can help by creating a safe environment to work together, not on who is wrong but on what is possible, what is wanted, what is emerging.

How will you be together? before the conflict is almost always more important than the conflict itself. According to research by John Gottman PhD, 69% of all marital affairs are permanent. This is as true of the happiest marriages as it is of the unhappy ones. The place to focus your attention is not on ending conflicts but on how you communicate when faced with your differences. This, according to Gottman’s research, is what separates marriages that stay together from those that break up.

Here’s what John Gottman recommends:

1) Increase overall positivity, say a 5 to 1 ratio of positive positivity to negative interactions. These connections don’t have to be big deals. Just a “hi” or a peck on the cheek or sharing a newspaper…

2) Increase positivity in the conflict. Loving humor, comforting others, bringing complaints slowly and respectfully instead of outbursts…

3) Reducing negativity in conflict, especially Blaming, Defensiveness, Defiance, and Stonewalling—what Gottman calls the “Horseman Four of the Apocalypse.” When you find yourself overwhelmed by emotions such as anger or panic, take a time out.

Here’s a tip to tell if you’re falling into one of these horseman stances: if you see your partner taking one of these horseman stances, you probably are too! They almost always travel in pairs. One person criticizes, another person defends himself or throws stones.

Do you get the picture? When you find this happening, check your behavior. If you can’t do that, at least take the time.

Triple A Relationship Rescue Formula

My program for promoting healthy, collaborative, positive relationships focuses on these three skills:

Appreciation Loops. Nothing lifts and maintains positivity better. The more you say what you value to each other, the more the relationship will give you things to value.

Coordination. Find common ground, work as a team, and the conflict itself. This is where a professional coach can help you gain a new perspective.

Agreement. Build relationships and build trust throughout the process.

A relationship is a growing and changing entity, constantly expanding into unknown territory. That’s why you never get it “right.” Your relationship is constantly changing, like a fluid, to fill all possible gaps.

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