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Coming Out As A Lesbian To Your Kids
One of the hardest things to do as an older lesbian is coming out to your children. There really isn’t a formula to make this as painless as possible but there are some things you can do to make it easier for you and your children.
Stay open about your gender: Make sure you are comfortable being a lesbian. There is no point in trying to come out to your children if you yourself are not at all sure about what being a lesbian means to you. You have to remember that this exit process is about YOU and not about the children. If you are not comfortable with your gender, you will encounter a sticky situation when they ask you questions. And you can be sure they’ll have plenty of questions to ask.
Clarify in your mind why you want to tell your children about your gender: There are all kinds of reasons to want to get out from your kids. Maybe because you don’t want to lie to them anymore, or you’ve met someone important that you want to bring into your life and then theirs. Whatever your reason is you need to be clear about it and keep it in mind for the potentially difficult days ahead
Timing is everything: Don’t do it when you have other big things to deal with or when you have big news of your own. You have to choose your time accordingly
There are no distractions: Also when you tell your children something important like ‘mom is a lesbian’, you should choose a place where you will not be interrupted. A quiet room at home with the tv off and the phone off the hook would be more appropriate than a restaurant.
Make sure they understand what you are telling them: Often when you have a heart to heart with your children you find that they do not understand at all what you are sharing. When you come out to your children as a lesbian, make sure they understand what being a lesbian is and how it will affect them. Make it clear that this is not a phase you are going through or a fad
Be completely honest with them: The news you give your children will change things dramatically, no matter how cleverly you present it to them. They will have many questions, some of them difficult. You must be ready to answer their questions and answer them honestly.
Don’t wait. Coming out as a lesbian to your children is about you. But you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t play with their answers in your mind. The truth is that your children’s response is not always what you expect. Don’t wait for their answers. Some children will be supportive, lucky you, some angry and some apathetic. A passive response is often the most difficult to deal with.
Finally you have to let them know that you love themno matter what you are here to listen if they want to talk
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