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How To Reach Rebellious Teens and Get Them to Take Your Advice
When I was young, the thing I hated the most was listening to what adults told me to do. In my mind at the time, I thought I had all the answers. I couldn’t wait until I was older to not listen to anyone. It was foolish of me to believe that my parents told me what not to do in order to control me and prevent me from having fun. My irrational thinking made me hate my parents and become rebellious. When I was 14 years old, I was unknowingly on the fast track to suicide. I constantly wanted independence and respect. I felt like I had grown up, I didn’t want to be treated like a child anymore. I wanted to explore my options and make my own choices. Times have changed, but life cycles remain the same. If you want to reach young people who think they “know it all,” you must try to accommodate their “stinky imaginations.”
Teenagers don’t want to be humiliated; they want to be dealt with seriously. Young adults hate being told what to do. So to get the best response, give them the freedom to decide how they will meet your needs. For example, if the house needs to be cleaned, dinner cooked or the trash taken out, don’t make strict orders. Discuss the needs with your child as you would a respected peer and let your child formulate a schedule and plan how to do the tasks. That doesn’t mean you should let your child “run the show,” but make them believe they have some control over how they will handle the situation. This will make them feel respected and mature.
It is important for teenagers to know that growing up will give them more rights. The more responsible they become, the more they should be allowed to act independently. This will give your teen the motivation to do good things. Remember, most children desire freedom more than anything. If they know that by behaving properly they will be given more freedom, you will get attention and cooperation.
When you have to say “no” to something or you have to make a commitment, be kind and explain why you made your decision. Remember, most teenagers hate being told what to do and think that parents are just trying to prevent their happiness. So, when you have to make demands that your child doesn’t like, don’t have a “do it because I said so” attitude; explain your decision. For example, if you decide that your child cannot stay up late at night, explain why, explain your reason and convey your message with love.
“Honey, I know you’d like to have fun and stay up late, but you have school work to do. I understand at this point you may think your school work is not important, but it is. In order to maintain this lifestyle you have. Now you need to find a good job that pays the bills. In order to do so you need to get an education. The more you excel in your studies now, the more freedom you will have when you grow up to live better. I only want the best for you I recognize your potential and I know your future will be great. It is my job as your parent to help you reach the success I know you deserve . Let’s work together to achieve that goal.” You can deliver this type of dialogue in a warm tone.
Always be open to a deal or suggestion. You can successfully communicate with your child and get good results. Some may think that arguing with a child is funny, but it is not. Remember as your child grows, he will want to be independent. If you let your teenager feel that you trust him and are comfortable, he will gain his approval. This will help both of you to get positive results in the relationship. So, help your child become independent by setting goals and reward your child with the freedom to achieve them. For example, a good grade on an exam can be rewarded with an extra hour added to your child’s return time. You will be surprised how this simple right, given once, can encourage a child to be responsible. Ideally, rewarding your child will ultimately encourage him to succeed.
Parenting is a team sport. A coach needs a successful team to succeed in his work, just as a parent needs to cultivate good family relationships to get long-term results. So, in developing your parenting skills, become a coach. Don’t yell at your kids when they make mistakes, be empathetic and learn all the facts. Get to know the root cause of the bad behavior, so you can help fix the problem from the root. Take corrective measures to ensure your child’s safety, but maintain a relationship where your child is not afraid to share the truth. Remember that truth can always be faced, but what you don’t know can’t be fixed!
When taking disciplinary action be firm, but always explain your reasoning. Don’t let your child develop his own ideas behind your actions, which can be harmful to your relationship. Explain the terms and conditions of the punishment and how your child can restore their trust in you and get their rights back. Always be a respected voice of reason for your child to trust that you are fair and consistent. You want your child to always feel comfortable coming to you instead of turning to the streets for solutions.
If your teen doesn’t accept your reasoning, show them a visual example that you can relate to better. Teenagers often learn better by using practical examples. I have had tremendous success reaching youth in a public speaking group for at-risk youth. I remember going to an orphanage where the children were out of control. As we were waiting in our seats to talk, I was surprised that one teenager hit another on the head, right in front of the staff. When the director of the center reprimanded the unruly youth, he replied “shut the @#$% up!” I couldn’t believe how rude this child was. I thought for sure that it would be an impossible task to reach this set of children. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach as I approached the stage to recite my speech.
After I announced my name, my conviction and the fact that I was serving 12 1/2 years in federal prison, the room fell silent. You could literally not hear a nail drop. I talked to the youth as if I were talking to a friend I care about. I told them about my past mistakes and my lifestyle that led to my imprisonment. I spoke in detail about life in prison, and explained how my peers whom I tried so hard to convince, thinking they were my true friends, abandoned me during my imprisonment. Before I finished my speech, I looked at the young girl in front who was out of control. He was looking at me, but it was difficult to understand if my message had reached him.
As the Question/Answer portion began, a young girl raised her hand to speak. In my mind I thought he was going to say something rude, but he didn’t.
“I’ve been in and out of detention centers since I was 12 years old. I smoked weed, cut school and shopped at stores near you. But, after listening to your story I don’t want to be bad anymore,” the child wailed as she began to cry loudly. 12 1/2 like you. That can’t happen to me! I don’t want to live like this again!,” she knelt as I left the stage and walked on my way. to her seat to comfort her. That moment changed my life. It made me realize that despite my mistakes and past mistakes, my story can make a difference! My experience in counseling at-risk youth helped me to make a formula to get them to accept my advice.
In order to reach a rebellious teenager, you must first overcome the challenge of leading him to believe that his current behavior or way of thinking is irrational. Shouting and shouting or simply making demands will not be enough. When you respectfully enlighten your children about the reason for your point of view and give them clear pictures that explain your reasoning, they will get it! Visual examples will last longer than your words. Even if you are not, an enlightened child who understands the gravity of the consequences of bad choices will obey your advice, because he really understands his safety.
Don’t just take my word for it. Try the techniques listed in this article. I guarantee you will be amazed at the results! Not only will you improve your relationship with the most rebellious teenager, your advice will hit home!
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